Weblog

Sunday, 27 July 2008

  • Craving Nutmeg and Snow.

        It's raining in New York City, and, I wish it would stay this way forever.  I love the rain, thunder and lightning. I woke up to the sound of thunder and the pitter-patter on the window sill.  It's been sunny for days and, I hate the sun. But, there is only one thing I love more than rain: winter. It was then when the intense longing for winter began.

    I can't wait for the smell of boiling apple cider in the Union Square Farmer's Market.

    I can't wait for Central Park after the first snowfall.

    I can't wait for short days and long nights; I can finally go out into the beautiful lights of Times Square and get back home at a reasonable hour.

    I can't wait for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and Valentine's Day.

    I can't wait for chilly mornings and sunrises at 6 AM.

    I can't wait for Holiday displays at Bloomingdale's.

    I can't wait for thick wool coats, fuzzy mittens, earmuffs and colorful scarves.

    I can't wait for the New York Public Library and Grand Central to be covered in snow.

    I can't wait for the Salvation Army Santas.

    I can't wait to see my breath on cold air.

    I can't wait for people scrambling along Union Square through the Holiday Market, and the beautiful handiwork that comes with it.

    I can't wait for using gifts as an excuse to buy everything on the shelves on the Strand.

    I can't wait for Peppermint Mocha at Starbucks (yes, I know, sad).

    I can't wait for the sun peaking through the cold and the clouds (the only time I like sun).

    I can't wait for finals week, and the little dinner parties I have when we should be studying.

    I can't wait for Christmas break, when we try to go to all the museums in New York City within the span of a week.

    I can't wait for the Rockefeller Christmas Tree.

    I can't wait for the New Year's Ball Drop.

    I can't wait for "bone-chilling" cold and the inevitable snuggling that comes after.

    I can't wait for our trip to London and even more cold.

    I can't wait for Black Friday (shameless display of the love of capitalism).

    I can't wait for the slopes of Harlem covered in snow.

    I can't wait for the neo-Gothic architecture on our campus to be kissed by frost.

    I can't wait for the New York Botanical Garden's winter plants.

    I can't wait for snowmen.

    I can't wait for snow angels.

    I can't wait for carolers.

    I can't wait for Park Slope during the holiday season.

    I can't wait... I can't wait... I can't wait.

Wednesday, 09 July 2008

Sunday, 29 June 2008

  • If you could choose your family members, who would you choose as your parents?

         I would choose two work-obsessed professors who barely have time to breathe. I wouldn't mind if they hardly had time to take care of me. As long as they could be good role models, and as long as they have the ability to guide me to become like them, everything would be great. Essentially, I would love to be in a family where my parents value what I value: hard work and, an education. I want parents who are photocopies of what I want to be as an adult. I have found this in many of the teachers and professors I've had and, I've desperately wished they were my parents.
       
          However, if I had these parents, I would not be the person I am now. Perhaps it is my parents who have made me what I am, even though, they aren't like me. Maybe if were in my "ideal family" I might have rebeled by getting pregnant, piercing my nipples and dying my hair purple. Now I rebel by killing myself with school, drinking copious amounts of coffee to keep from sleeping and, dying my hair purple.

    PS. I just found some left over purple dye and it hasn't expired yet! Makeover, here I come.

    I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

Saturday, 28 June 2008

  • Where were you one year ago today?

    June 28th, 2007.
        This was around my last day of high school. I had an extremely shaky and horrible senior year. By January 2007, I had completely lost it, to say the least. Between March and May, I had been hospitalized for about a month. What was worse was that, while I was hospitalized, all hell broke loose and there were rumors, broken pieces and lost friends.
        The last month and a half of school was wretched. I was embarrassed, yet, forced to go to my prom and graduation. My friends were scared of me, I was embarrassed to face my teachers and I was too overwhelmed by the whole situation to talk to anyone. The only friend who still talked to me, did so, out of pitty.
        But, in hindsight, I realize that I might have still been manic upon being discharged from the hospital which, may have been a good thing. The inflated self-esteem kept me from completely imploding once I went back to school.
        Looking back, I believe that this experience brought me one step closer to understanding madness. Perhaps my knowledge of this might help someone else. Finally, something productive has come out of my instability and obsession with psychiatry.
        My last day of school was the last I saw of my school and, I am determined to never go back. I remember talking to my homeroom teacher, who had also been my senior/freshman English teacher and friend for the four years I was there; she said something like, "you've made it."
        Now, almost a year later, I've made up with most of those friends and I'm on my way to cleaning up the mess my "episode" caused about a year ago. I'm going to therapy, keeping myself sane, and trying my best to take control of my life.
        I would NEVER go back to my life a year ago. But, I think it was necessay to make me the person I am now.
        So, a lot has changed over the last year; that happens when you're only 19. More has changed over the past two years. Although I have a long way to go, I would describe myself as more mature, more able to face the world, and (dare I say) closer to being a well-adjusted person.

    I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

theDramaOfMyLife

  • Visit theDramaOfMyLife's Xanga Site
    • Name: The Manic
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 6/7/2008

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About Me

  • I'm a 19 year-old trying to cope with my bipolar diagnosis among other things. I'm your average girl and this is just the story of my life through the lens of this label. I am a psychology/ biology double major with a chemistry minor and a passion for psychiatry, cognitive neuroscience, research, teaching and all that academia entails. I see either grad school or med school or both in my future. So, I'm definitely a nerd. In short, I'm a nut case who is hoping to study other nut cases for a living. But then again, as Orwell said in 1984, "sanity is statistical"; perhaps if we get enough of the general populous on our side, we might be sane.

Pulse

  • Been feeling much better today. Close to a week after I started taking my medication again. I promise never to stop again. Sorry.
  • I've been Xanga-ing a bit too much today. But it sure beats doing my Bio or C++ homework. Actually, I better get to that.
  • A bit nervous. I have that "impending sense of doom" most would attribute to a heart attack. For me, it's learning C++ functions.

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